happiness and love

i find myself asking if it was worth all the pain, do i have regrets, do i want to do things differently if given a chance?

it was worth it. regrets, i do have regrets. if i knew it was gonna end so soon i would have made more memories. i would have given up my most favorite hobby (sleeping) just to have more time with you. i would have held on longer to your hand. i would have hugged you more. i would have kissed you more. i would have loved you more.

i wish you happiness and love. i love you.

*at last, i'm in the acceptance phase

245

245 is out!!! hehehe... ambabaw pero i'm so happy :D it's been a while since i felt this way.

trying...

Now I’m cryin’ - isn’t that what you want
I’m tryin’ to live my life on my own
But I won’t
At times - I do believe I am strong
So someone tell me why, why, why
Do I feel stupid
And I come undone

-R. Thomas, MB20

moving on...

tama na ang drama. kalimutan na ang mga dapat kalimutan. it's now time to move on...

Aja, aja! Fighting! :D

p.s. thank goodness for the Anger phase

ouch

an article from peyups... galing, sapul!

D*mn you for putting me through all that.
D*mn you for taking my belief in love, my belief in forever, my belief in you,
and handing them back to me broken, saying you can’t deal with them anymore. You
will never know how much you hurt me by just giving up, you will never know how
much you scared me from loving as much as I loved you ever again.

I did not deserve to be hurt that way.
And you didn’t deserve my trust.

I loved you. Honestly, bravely,
intensely I loved you. But it wasn’t enough.

I hate the fact that we could have
saved us, but we didn’t. We simply gave up something rare, something that
doesn’t come along everyday. I hate the emptiness. I hate the regrets.

But the worst thing about all this is
the simple, stupid, pathetic truth that I miss you. I miss you. I knew losing
you would be painful, but pain, I can deal with. I can cope with the sharp,
intense rush of emotion that cuts like a knife, but is relieved somehow by tears
and is dulled by the passage of time. What I didn’t expect was the sadness – the
steady, lingering hurt that comes with the realization that you will never again
look at me as if I’m precious, special, and infinitely cherished, you will never
again call me “garnet ko” with the tender amazement that I really am yours. It’s
the constant heaviness that haunts me and makes me wonder if I’ll ever be whole
again without you, of if I’ll always mourn the part of me that died with our
love. I miss you. And I’m to be totally honest with myself, I’ll have to admit
that I’d do anything, give everything even go through all the confusion again,
just to find a way for you to keep believing in us. But there’s no chance of
that.

Some goodbyes are final. I have a
feeling this one is.

- garnet_fire of peyups.com http://peyups.com/article.khtml?sid=3898

faith

"I have faith that someday I would meet someone who would be sure that I am the one." -Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & The City

I once loved a guy...

have you ever woken up in the middle of the night feeling that there's something wrong and when you do remember you wish you never did? You can't get back to sleep and all you can do is cry, wish that you can go back to sleep and wish that it was all a dream. You cry and cry 'coz that's the only time that no one will hear, no one will know how weak you are. 'Coz when the daylight comes, you have to pretend once again that everything's alright. You need to be strong for yourself. It's sad knowing that if you break down no one will be there to help you pick up the pieces. It wasn't always this way.

I once loved a guy. He loved pizza and spaghetti. Loved watching movies, war games and collecting toys and comic books. I once loved a guy who loved to sing. He can sing with such gusto that it's a treat to watch him. I once loved a guy who always laughed and always made me laugh. Never a dull moment with him. I once loved a guy who hated cleaning his ears and hearing mass but still allowed me to clean his ears and accompanied me to mass. He'd fall asleep in church but I loved having him there with me. I once loved a guy who hated buying flowers but would occasionally surprise me and buy me some. I once loved a guy whose hand I've always wanted to hold, forever if I can. I once loved a guy... but he left me at the time I loved him most.

an appeal to no one...

Can you help me I’m bent
I’m so scared that I’ll never
Get put back together

- R. Thomas of MB20

my bad...

i've always wondered what attracted me to their songs. now i know...

It’s amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all
It’s unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell
I’m not saying there wasn’t nothing wrong
I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me
I’m not saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn’t wanna let it get away from me
But if that’s how it’s gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we’ll see who’s sorry now
If that’s how it’s gonna stand, when
You know you’ve been depending on
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
It’s aggravating
How you threw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to doubt
The way you needed time to sort it out
I’m not saying there wasn’t nothing wrong
I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me
I’m not saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn’t wanna let it get away from me
But if that’s how it’s gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we’ll see who’s sorry now
If that’s how it’s gonna stand, when
You know you’ve been depending on
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
I’m not saying there wasn’t nothing wrong
I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me
But if that’s how it’s gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we’ll see who’s sorry now
If that’s how it’s gonna stand, when
You know you’ve been depending on
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out
Tell me is that how it’s going to end
When you know you’ve been depending on
The one you’re leaving now
And the one you’re leaving out
The one you’re leaving now
The one you’re leaving out

- R. Thomas of MB20

seulpeun but true

let me borrow rob thomas' words...

This will all fall down like everything else that was
This too shall pass and all of the words we said
We can’t take back
Now every fool in town would’ve left by now
I can’t replace all the wasted days
The memory of your face
can’t help thinkin’
Maybe if we ever coulda kept it all together
Where would we be
A thousand lost forevers
And the promises you never were giving me
Here’s what I’m thinking
It won’t be the first heart that you break
It won’t be the last
The one that you wrecked won’t take you back
If you were the last beautiful guy in the world
Tell me one more time
How you’re sorry about the way
This all went down
you needed to find your space
You needed to still be friends
Needed me to
Call you if I ever couldn’t keep it all together you’d comfort me
Tell me but forever
And the promises I never should have believed in
Here’s what I’m thinking
It won’t be the first heart that you break
It won’t be the last
The one that you wrecked won’t take you back
If you were the last beautiful guy in the world
It’s over now and I’ve gone without
Cuz you’re everybody else’s guy
It seems to me you’ll always be
Everyone else’s guy
Everyone else’s guy
This will all fall down
Like everything in the world
This too must end
And all the words we said
We can’t take back
It won’t be the first heart that you break
It won’t be the last
The one that you wrecked won’t take you back
If you were the last...
It won’t be the first heart that you break
It won’t be the last
The one that you wrecked won’t take you back
If you were the last beautiful guy in the world
The last beautiful guy in the world
You are the last beautiful guy in the world
Beautiful guy

- R. Thomas of MB20